Pain is out. Let’s reward ourselves!

 

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As I was walking down the stairs this morning I had an odd question come in. “Am I in alignment with my tank top?” haha, what?! Yup, this is where I am at in life and it’s glorious. My tank top has a screen print that says, “No challenge, No Change.” The theme of the week for me seems to be changing belief patterns around having to learn through pain. So naturally, I didn’t think the question was odd at all.
I can recall so many painful moments that resulted in learning major life lessons,which is great, right? I think that’s ultimately why I am rocking the sober life now. I mean how many times did I have have to wake up in jail covered in pee, have no idea how I got there, what I did, or if anyone was hurt. Four times, I had to go through that lesson 4 times before I had the thought, “is there another way I can take?” For some people it takes one time. The pain is so great that have a come to God moment, and then they change. I am a stubborn one, I needed to know that becoming Sober was the best and safest way to go.
I can see the value in learning through pain. I do, yet I wonder and pose the question…
“Is there another way to experience learning the lessons we came to Earth School to learn?”

I know as humans we do anything possible to avoid pain, even to the detriment of advancing our consciousness. May I dare ask, Are we able to learn through reward and pleasure instead? I am posing this question to myself without allowing this post to go in depth about neurological impulses and motivation. Google that yourself.
I feel that there has to be another way. Instead of scaring people into making better choices, I want to highlight all these amazing benefits and rewards and reaching whatever goal we are achieving. If you don’t have any goals, hop to it. Figure out something you want to be better at, try for the first time. Start somewhere.
We are all in different places, you may like pain. I did. I held a belief system of, “No pain, No Gain.” “How much more can I endure?” “Feel the Burn.” We do have to challenge our selves a little bit to step out of our comfort zone in order to grow.
May I move my body and get exercise because I love the feeling of more energy.
May I increase my emotional intelligence because I love relating wih myself and others.
May I learn a new skill because I want to learn something different.
May I sit with myself in silence because I love to feel my body.

When we are in pain we breathe very shallowly and the energy and circulation gets sticky and hurts more. Gently take deep belly breaths and be HYPER-aware of the sensations in your body. I invite you to sit with yourself like this everyday, for 5 minutes.
You may also start to inquire how you usually motivate yourself? Allow the answers to flow without attempting to restrict the way they come out. Maybe, write them down. If the answer are from painful, ask yourself, “is there another way?”

I firmly believe that we have all of our answers within us, we only have to make space for the answers to come through. Some of you may have a little panic that comes up about the idea of sitting in silence with yourself. Which is okay. Ultimately, our growth depends on the level where we are able to BE with ourselves. Loving our Self exactly as we are and making improvements along the way. There will always be uncomfortable feelings and situations we have to go through, yet if we are able to stretch our ability to sit in it long enough, we may allow it to morph into the beautiful realization we were looking for.
Affirmations to consider as you lovingly gaze at yourself in the mirror.
I am in control of my Body and I accept myself just as I am right this very moment.
I am at Peace even when Life is chaotic.
It is safe to allow myself to feel pleasure.

I am learning to refine myself versus changing myself.

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Thank You.

I Love You.

Flex your Resiliency Muscles!

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What are we afraid of? How much do we miss out in life all because we aren’t sure what the outcome will be so we don’t even try? Frozen in Fear. In the past I have been so consumed with thoughts of self criticism I was unable to move past those words of self hatred. Now I can see all those moments of time that I did not take advantage of. I allowed myself to miss out on so many experiences because I was to afraid.
That inner critic is not only in my head it’s in yours, too. It’s almost like that voice is the villain/obstacle in our game of life. Yet, this inner villain has kept you alive your whole life and keeps you safe in moments of danger. So the ironic piece is that we can’t destroy it, we have to learn to nurture it. Allowing it to feel safe while we go out and dare to Live our life.
Courage!
Ah, courage. The moment we decide to take action despite all of the things telling us not to.
I have decided to live in this space. The courageous space. The space of the unknown.
Not because I am a heroine or needing recognition that I am brave, yet for the sheer freaking desire to not miss out on life anymore. I got fed up of
One of the greatest lessons I have learned so far is to walk towards the uncomfortable. I used to run and turn away from any uncomfortable moment or experience pretty fast. If it hurt, I was O-U-T!
I started pracicing choosing to stand still and breathe deeply into that space of discomfort. Staying present in the moment. To open myself wider into the discomfort. Now when I first started, I would be able to stay uncomfortable for 3 seconds. With practice, that time has grown to hours with the ability for the fear to dissolve completely.
Our resillient muscles need to be flexed every once in a while if we are going to consciously live our life instead of being unconsciously lead. Our moments in life want to be experienced, not avoided. Life wants us to drink her up, not choke on apprehension.
I invite you to just hold the possibility in your mind that you can overcome anything that is in your awareness and experience. Whenever you are ready you can test yourself. As soon as there is a moment you feel uncomfortable begin to very slowly inhale and count to 5. Inhale..2…3…4…5 and exhale…2…3…4….5. Breathe like this at least 10 times and keep your awareness on the moment and your Breath. If you feel the need to flee, flee. Yet if you can hold off on the fleeing, you will rewarded with clarity and a stronger resilient muscle.
This increases our Will Power! As far as experiences go, You either Will or you Won’t. I am in the “Will” boat. The more we stand in courage the more we are able to handle any obstacles and setbacks that come up for us.

Affirmations are a great way to change our minds. Saying your affirmations into a mirror as you gaze at yourself is the best place to start.
“I am Courageous, Persistent, and Resilient.”
“I am so Confident, I can handle anything.”
“I am full of Energy, and can overcome all of my fears.
“I am Powerful and creative, I can perservere through anything.”
These are a few of my own affirmations, get creative, and maybe write your own!

We are much stronger than we realize. Allow yourself to be more willing to sit in uncomfortable feelings, and get to know yourself more.
Start small, yet Start.
The moment and the Breath. That’s all there actually is.
That’s what Life is. Every inhale is new life.
You deserve to live the best life that is available to you!

 

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I Love You.

Mirror Breath

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If you were to ask me what my favorite part of my life is right now I would say, Love.

In the morning my daughter comes out of her room, and says, “Mamma!” I know she wants something, and now I look forward to hearing what it is. I am happy she knows what she wants.

At dinner, my son expresses his opinions about life and politics. Figuring out who he is and what he believes in. I used to be triggered because some of his thoughts are more conservative than mine. I am happy he can feel safe to express himself.

My Husband opens my car door everywhere we go, and anytime he touches me I get a magnetic, chemical type reaction that causes my soul to shiver. In the first nanosecond of waking up in the morning I reach over to just put my hands on him. I thank Goddess to be alive and that he is, too.

I was eye gazing with my Husband in a brightly lit area, and I had a realization that has forever changed how I look at myself, people, and the world.

As I was looking into his left eye, I was just saying the words, “I Love You” over and over again. I took a deep breath in and a crystal clear reflection of me was looking right back at me from his bright, blue eyes. I knew that my eyes reflected his own image back to him.

I was saying, “I Love You” to myself.

This whole time.

My whole life.

Everything I have ever said to someone else, I said to myself.

Anything I had ever done to someone, I did to myself.

Namaste has a much deeper meaning now.

Oneness means a whole lot more now.

Mirror Consciousness.

Reflect.

It’s like an Echo.

Breathe into any experience that is causing a constriction. Give it a moment to change. Your awareness is all it needs. Your ability to stand in love, transmutes anything that isn’t Love.

Let so much Love shine out of your eyes that you feel you may burst, no matter what it is you are looking at.

I love You.

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Gimme that Sex Breath.

 

Going to get a little intimate for this share. It has resulted because I realize what amazing storytellers we are. Two nights ago, as my husband and I were embracing in bed we were cuddling and lightly kissing. I thought we were going towards the place of making love. I figured that he would initiate if he wanted to, and when he didn’t initiate and fell asleep instead, the Grand Master story teller hiding in my brain began to narrate a ridiculous tale.

For two minutes I was flooded with a tirade of thoughts. Did I not seem interested in sex? Did he not feel I wanted to make love? Do my breasts look okay? Am I too fat today? I know I am pre-menstrual. Is he even attracted to me? I didn’t understand, I was giving him all the signs.

In that moment, I was very grateful that I have an active mindfulness practice.  I was able to just sit and watch my thoughts and not pick them up and keep them. It was difficult enough just being with them, and observing what my thoughts of my own self imposed sense of sexual rejection looks like.

We sleep beautifully, then the next morning we wake up at 6 am. We embrace, we cuddle, we rub our bodies against each other. We begin kissing. We wrap our legs around each other and I began to rub myself on him. My mind starts yelling, “This is it, we are gonna get. it. on!!” He falls asleep in the next second. His beautiful head becomes heavy on mine, and a tiny snore escapes his lips.

All of those thoughts from last night come straight back in, yet this time they were even more vicious. The sensation was more like, I knew he wasn’t attracted to me. I knew I was to fat. I knew my he didn’t like my breasts. I sat with these thoughts and let them swirl around me, feeling them, tasting them. Holding myself so still, breathing very deep, diaphragmatic breaths. Watching them and knowing deep down I was watching a story that I had run many times before in my head.

I get up. My awareness still fully on consciously bringing in my breaths. I would not let these thoughts take any more root in my being. See this is how I used to think with previous partners, yet I believed all of those thoughts. I walked around in a sort of sexual dejection and when a partner wanted to have sex I would make it all about him. I would only please him sexually, not caring about my own pleasure.

I drove my daughter to work and the whole ride home I was giving some space to those thoughts I was having about myself. I asked myself what do you know to be true right now? I know that my husband loves making love with me. I know that I can say a certain something or move a certain way and that man will be strong like bull in a second. I know that I didn’t even ask him if he wanted to have sex with me.

WAIT, WHAT?

How would he know that I wanted to have sex at those times if I didn’t tell him!! Does he read my mind? Why would I expect him to know what I was thinking? Why would I punish myself for not getting what I wanted when I didn’t communicate what it is that I even wanted?!! Why would I punish him for not giving me what I want, when again I didn’t even ask for it?! Wow, how often do I do that?

This brought so many thoughts, memories, and beliefs to the front of my mind about experiences of past sexual trauma. The stories I was telling myself about why my husband didn’t want have sex with me were completely made up. Fictitious stories swirling in my head. Heck, we just made love a couple nights before. I was looking through the lens of past rejections and past abuses. I was living in my own PTSD moment. The feeling of him not initiating sex threw me back into an old wound, and I was trying to bring that story to the present moment.

As I was driving on the highway, holding intense space for myself, I realized that those past beliefs and memories wanted to be acknowledged and integrated.  So I allowed these emotions to flow and opening up to the withholding patterns I was used to. Acknowledging how many times I haven’t actually ever asked for what I wanted in life. My womb space was pulsing and throbbing. It felt like there were suppressed tears in there. I could list off many past instances of not asking nor communicating what my needs and wants were. In the bedroom, about money, in a career, in my personal life. I remember wanting to do so many things and when I didn’t do them I blamed other people and made up a story about why I didn’t get what I wanted.

The beauty is that no one knew ever actually knew what I wanted. I never actually told anyone. The words never left my mouth. It was all inside. Just waiting. for me.

Ok, so I was almost home, I decided I was going to do an experiment with my Husband. I was going to ask him questions about our sex life. I wanted to see what it was like having a very open and vulnerable conversation about sex.

First things first!! I asked him if he knew I wanted to have sex the night before and this morning? He said, “No, I had no idea. Why didn’t you say so? I would have loved to. I love when we are holding each other when we wake up in the morning.” I asked him if I could ask him questions in order to understand what he likes even more.

It felt like my whole body was blushing and I knew my face was red the whole time, yet I learned a lot about my Husbands likes and dislikes. They were pretty typical questions one could ask their partner if they were wanting to learn more about what turns them on. He likes Soulful sex, doesn’t like make-up sex. He wants to have sex everyday, yet every third day is ideal. He doesn’t want to assume or take advantage of me. He isn’t into porn. He doesn’t like lingerie because its in the way of skin. He absolutely LOVES when I initiate sex so that he knows for SURE that I want to get into that making love space.

As I observed him answering these questions I noticed three things. One, he was at attention and strong. like. bull. during the entire talk. Two, my womb space was open, relaxed, and felt like she was releasing some repressed emotional attachments. Three, his responses seemed like he can be ready and rearing to go at any moment of request. YAY, ME!!

It seems that my story of him not desiring me at the moment was a way that I used to cope with rejection.

I feel as a woman I can sometimes feel challenged to ask someone for something… anything really.  I feel like my dialogue is, “I got it.” “I can do it.” No worries, I can handle it.”  Yes. I can absolutely handle it. Yet, what’s the cost of not asking for what I want or even asking for a little help?

I think it’s our responsibility to start to become a little more comfortable with finding out what it is that we do want, how we are going to get it, and figuring out who can help us. When we allow ourselves to ask for a little assistance we give someone an opportunity to help us. That makes people feel good. Why would we want to ever deny someone from feeling good? Why in the world did I deny myself good sex because I was to afraid to ask for it for so long? On a side note, when we do ask for help, we gotta make sure we can receive the help that wants to be given. And not complain about it.

I am giving myself permanent permission to express my sexuality and initiate sexual union whenever I am in the mood to do so.

 

What about you? I would love to hear your thoughts, too.

Do you find it easy to ask for things/anything?

Which side of sexual initiating are you on?

What does your “ASK” look like?

 

I Love You.

 

 

Pause Breath

It doesn’t take anything to lose a habit.

Even if it’s something we love to do.

That first moment we think that we’ll get back to it tomorrow or next, is really a downward spiral. We decide it doesn’t have value for us in the moment. There may something else that we want to fill our attention with.

We may find that four months passed before we even thought of it again. Now we’re pissed. Thoughts scrambling, thinking we have to get back to something.

We all know when there is something we want to do, spend time on, we will move a mountain to make sure that we have the time, money, and resources to do what is calling us.

This pause teaches us how to value something. Figuring out what we love. What are willing to move mountains for?

So, four months passed, acknowledge that, and let it go.

What is meant to be around always spirals back again in some way, and it usually carries with it the blueprint to move the mountain.

Gently pick it up again.

Whatever it is, your attention on it will cause it to shift or you may put it down again.

Know that the process of picking it up, looking at it, and putting it down has a great significance to it.

It teaches you discernment. You want something you love and value to occupy your space and time. In this sense, be judgmental. Make it count.

I Love You.

 

 

Projection Breath.

Woke up with my husband, and took a lovely bath with him, and we did our morning breathing and exercise routine with each other. Then at 6 am this morning, apparently Lady Satan crawled inside of me. As I am preparing to leave for work, I freak out because I can’t find the chocolate that I just bought two days ago. Apparently, my husband had the chocolate put up in a place I couldn’t see with my own eyes. Like most sane women with tender breasts and raging PMS, I had a freak out. I screamed that he was selfish to keep all the chocolate to himself.

Then like a bad ass he brings two other bars of chocolate out of hiding, that his mother apparently gave him. It was the really freaking good kind of chocolate, his brother made it. Well, that caused me to dig even deeper into my bitchy nature and accuse him of keeping secrets from me, and wait for it it, I doubled down and yelled that I wanted him to stay in a hotel tonight because I can’t trust him. Tiny voice behind my forehead said, “please come home tonight.’

I left so engrossed in my own beliefs that he had somehow done me wrong, I didn’t even say goodbye to him. As I drove to work I felt vindicated because he kept the chocolate from me, and I asked for a break. Scoring myself a victory point. Then that tiny voice in my head said “why is it this serious?”

Before I even clock in I am kicking myself in the teeth for acting like such a bitch. He is already texting me, apologizing and telling me he is working on his communication with me. Here I am, so full of shame and shock that I pulled an old relationship sabotage move out of the dark closet that I just didn’t text him back for almost two hours.

I just sat in my self-disgust at my whole being and attitude and pondered, What in the actual fuck was wrong?! Let’s take a deeper look and check out just how much I projected my own shit onto my husband and the chocolate situation.

Well… I have some chores I have been procrastinating on for three months now, and I am sick of looking at it sitting there in piles in my room. I am a week late sending an email to two people that want me to speak publicly at a function about Rebirthing and breath work. Oh, and I am questioning my ability to speak in front of a group of people. Oh, and I feel super gross because I am bloated, and I gained my monthly five pounds of water weight. I added to the feeling of grossness by eating a whole cheesecake over the course of three days. All. By. Myself.  Not to mention feeding my shame today with whatever fit in my mouth. Oh, and I am just taking my good old freaking time not getting my breath room done. It’s just sitting there waiting for me to finish painting it, and putting the floor in. Oh, and I haven’t written the content for my website yet.

I know that I have exposed so much of how I didn’t believe in myself in the past, and I am learning new ways to interact and love myself. For two hours I repeated the affirmation, “I am fucking perfect.”

I don’t feel perfect, I felt like I over reacted and shat my unconscious entrails all over my husbands kindness and patience. Ugh. If I could beg for his forgiveness one hundred times tonight it wouldn’t be enough. I always strive to love myself just a fraction of the love I feel he holds for me.

Can I just ring the door bell and prostrate myself at the front door and pray he forgives me and helps me up.

A part of me is afraid to face him, and I even thought about getting my own hotel room. I know I have to face him like I have to face that pile of old photos, items, and clothes that have so many memories that I am sad to part with.

I hear him saying, “that is not how a marriage works!”

Why do the people we love the most get to see the darkest parts of us?

In my own weird fucked up way,

I Love You.

 

 

Husband Breath.

Her husband is a Saint. She was attempting to buy her way into Sainthood.  After God shoved her face in the dirt one to many times, she decided to put in some effort.

She is a woman who is actively healing years of suppressed, repressed, hard pressed, expellar pressed emotional baggage. He has been working on his baggage consciousness for many years, and is so patient with her.

She has a potty mouth and can cuss with the sailors. He rephrases her words into loving affirmations.

She is sometimes ghetto fabulous and will shake her head and point her finger at him. He put a ring on it.

She says that sometimes she feels to chubby and wants a boob job. He wraps his arms around her and squeezes her from behind.

She yells like a banshee woman when she feels threatened and attacked. He assures her he is right here and can hear every word she says.

She is surprised when her children show adult like maturity. He air high fives her.

She used to be numb. He brings her bouquets of orgasms.

She couldn’t feel. He makes love to her soul.

She cries. He holds her.

He whistles when he walks, she sings in the kitchen.

She lists all the ways she has fucked up her children. He writes a dissertation on how amazing they are.

She barks her displeasure at the acorn trees. He meditates as he blows them off the sidewalk.

She shaved her head. He sings of her beauty to passersby.

She used to be an alcoholic. He loved himself enough to almost leave her.

She became sober. He shares his Kombucha.

She notices women wanting to be loved by him. He dances with her in the grocery store.

His chest puffs up when a man wants more than just her attention. She embraces him, and declares him the King of her heart.

She smells like garlic in the winter. He does too.

She sometimes makes awful tasting soup. He slurps up every last drop.

She apologizes, Daily. He forgives her, Hourly.

She forgets to shave her legs for months at a time.  He wraps them around his body like an alpaca scarf.

She wants to save the world. He encourages it.

She holds on to her independant nature fiercly. He knocks when the door is closed.

She attempts to sabotage herself. He tells strangers how much he loves her.

She is PMS’ing. He makes sure she has six months of tampons.

She says No. He says the only answer is Yes.

He prayed to God for her. She thanks Goddess for him.

His bond is important to her. She is his why.

In so many ways,

I Love You.

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Rebirthing Breath part 1.

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Holy goodness. I have spent the last two weeks working out So many of my own issues. Learning how to integrate the space the breath therapy has made, and letting go of all my old thought patterns Not that I have even solved any yet, just more aware of them! Holy resistance. I have been the queen of distracting myself and procrastinating in doing some things I really desire to complete. I really want to talk about what Rebirthing Breath Therapy is. I love that some of my family members thought I ran away and joined a cult. Thanks so much for your concern. I am better than I have ever been so far in my life. Always improving my self, and owning my shit, even when its covered in denial, temper tantrums, and resistance.

The breath may be experienced consciously or unconsciously. We have to breathe. All of our cells require oxygen to function and we get oxygen as we inhale. As we exhale we release carbon dioxide and other wastes our body has no use for. We expel 70% of our waste materials through our exhalations.

So what exactly is Rebirthing Breath work?

Rebirthing got its name because it was theorized by Leonard Orr, the founder of Rebirthing, that the first trauma that a human experiences is during the birth process. Our first breath, and how it is acquired, is one of our most stressful experiences and we carry it within our memories and cells every where we go until we are able to heal it. The purpose of Rebirthing is to re-experience your birth trauma from a safe place and to integrate that memory on mental, emotional, and spiritual level within yourself.

Is there an easier way to put this? When you were born there were specific things that happened to you and those events most likely caused you to form an idea about the world as a whole, and they live in your subconscious memory and become the filter in which you view everything in your world. Birth is a very innate event, and in our day and age we treat it as a medical emergency. The mother, baby, and mother nature have been giving birth for centuries, they know what to do. This is a rite of Initiation for both mother and baby. The mother opens herself to her maximum fullness and delivers a human being into this world. She is guided by her primal instincts and surrenders to her intuition in order to give birth. The baby also follows her instincts and gains its first sense of accomplishment by descending down the canal and emerging into this world. The truth is, ultimately there is no wrong or right way to give birth or be birthed. Any health care worker on an Obstetrician ward could get all huffy here because they could feel invalidated in their profession. Don’t worry you are still very much needed. So are the doulas and midwives. My mother apparently gave birth to me while a large, masculine nun was standing next to her and was yelling “Push!” every minute or so.

A few examples of birth traumas could be: the doctor smacked you on the butt to breathe, you could have formed the core thought that “breathing is painful.” It’s possible that you have been breathing in a restricted pattern ever since then. You were born cesarean and you adopted the belief, that you were not born when you wanted to be. Someone else made that important decision for you. You could have been an “accident” or in an unwanted pregnancy. You may carry the belief and feelings that you are not loved and unworthy of love. There are so many more examples such as forceps, premature, wrong sex, induced birth. Yet those are each a post in their own as there is a lot of depth involved. Maybe you can ask your mother or family member how your birth went, what her thoughts were, and who was present. If you are unable to ask you could be open minded and look at your life past and discover what your dramas were centered around. You also do not need to know anything about your birth at all in order to clear the traumas you developed at the time.

In my experience I have come to know Rebirthing as a breath work modality that assists in relieving the stress and tension we hold within our bodies. It is a way to access our innate ability to heal ourselves. It is also called Conscious breathing or Energy breathing, because you are awake and in full awareness during a session, and you become acutely aware that there is some sort of Infinite Intelligence that comes with the breath. I believe that there are three parts to Rebirthing/Conscious/Energy breathing. The physical/mental aspect, the Spiritual aspect, and the Integration aspect, and the there is

The physical and mental aspect is when you begin your breathing session. As you breathe into your nose, (sometimes breathing through your mouth is acceptable) you connect your breath in a rhythmic fashion and your body becomes “activated”, you have started the energy cycle. Your inhale is full and relaxed and your exhale is an easy release. In this cycle, the connected breath activates areas within the body where tension is held and where any structural deviations or tender spots are present, such as poor posture and repressed emotions. This is a time when the energy levels within the body are pretty high, it’s almost like when you are working out or climbing a mountain. You have to put the work in and keep climbing, in this instance you must keep breathing. The goal is to willingly hike up to the top of the mountain. At this point, one can feel energy flowing in the body. Now it will be quite an experience if you have never felt your own energy before. The peak of the Energy cycle is when we have stirred up all the psychic “stuff” in our body. This may be the time of deep relaxation, experience of blissful feelings, and perhaps receive some precious insights from your self as you delve into deeper areas of your mind. You will be in what Stanislav Graf coined, a “non-ordinary state of consciousness.” What you are experiencing within is not actually happening on the outside, yet it is real and palpable. Some people report having birth memories right away and others have different memories or experiences. The energy cycle completes when the energy slows down and the tingling stops. This may take 30 minutes to 3 hours.

The Spiritual aspect is the reason I have typed, deleted, re-typed this post so many times in the last 12 days. It seems that the word “GOD” has such a powerful morphic field around it, and I have seen people go into an absolute tizzy when their beliefs are questioned, or if they are asked to open their mind beyond what they were taught in religion class. We can see this in our daily lives, and know intimately the events that are going on in our world today, in the name of God and religion. That field is full of opinions, beliefs, thoughts, judgments, religion, issues, centuries of interpreted stories passed down from generation to generation. I am not here to define your idea of God/Goddess/Source/Creator/Infinite Intelligence/Divinity, you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself in any way that you see fit. What I am here to do is to assist you in coming into a feeling contact of that divine, animated energy within yourself. Because you will feel it, that’s what this breath therapy does. It walks you right up to that God self within your being and reintroduces you to it. This energy that moves within you is your Spirit/Divinity/God-self, whatever in the world you want to call it. This is your sanctuary of healing your hurts and memories. This is the most sacred space within your whole being, and every single being has this exact same space within their own selves. This is the place where no other person can touch within you, and you cannot touch in another. Yet, you can share it together. This place holds the ultimate truth that your thoughts are things, and those things form and shape your reality. This space is where you have a knowing that you and every being on this planet is innocent and loved beyond measure.

This Spiritual space is also where you will eventually begin to feel that you are in fact not even breathing yourself. “Something” else is. This is phenomenal, indescribable space, and I want every willing human in the world to experience that feeling.

The Integration aspect begins the moment your breathing session is complete and you open your eyes. How you go about your normal life adding in the knowledge you gained with each session. You will feel lighter, rejuvenated, and will seriously wonder why we weren’t taught this as a child. Each session exposes layer by layer any of the unhealed aspects of yourself. You may feel lighter, have more energy/stamina. You may discover hidden talents. Freeing your reactions to emotionally charging situations and beginning your daily devotion to your self care, self love, and life mastery.

Every Creation Story has the Creator breathing life into Human Beings in some way or another. I remember my 8th grade teacher telling me that Jesus said “The Kingdom of God is within me/you.” Humanity has been using breathing exercises and awareness of breath for thousands of years in health and personal development.

I got my first glimpse of my God/Goddess Self when I chose to continue to use breath therapy to rejuvenate myself and change the way I looked at events, people, and circumstances. I honestly feel that this aspect is the reason we, as a whole human, are in some of the predicaments that we are in today. We believe ourselves to separate/cut off from God, yet really we just have no idea how we work, we don’t feel our beings. We over feed and over drug our vessel to the point of numbing distraction. Getting back in touch with our God selves is probably the most important thing we can do at this time. It will change our inner and outer world quickly and in the best way. Remember to show your gratitude in this space and bow in its reverence.

I AM GOD.

YOU ARE GOD.

WE ARE GOD.

I know that my human words are not able to convey the vastness of the potential here. Yet, the knowledge of my own releasing the ignorance I held because I was taught it or made it up myself is forever gone. I gave it to that Goddess/Breath space and it’s Infinite Intelligence knew exactly what to do with it.

The success of a Rebirthing/Breath work session relies on the facilitators ability to guide the client through any resistance that may surface, to trust in their own healing capabilities, and to surrender to the process. My goal in educating others about the Power of their breath and by facilitating these breath work sessions is to constantly rejuvenate my body by raising my vibrational frequency and holding sacred space for you to heal yourself.

My path is Life Mastery by educating myself and others through The Breath and spiritual psychology.

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I Love You.

Own your Breath.

FB_IMG_1506903151007I was contemplating my next post theme, and I thought of my last post and realized I didn’t share any ways how one could clear their energy body. Then a beautiful friend just messaged me and said she read my post and wants to know how to clear herself! Thank you Universe.

It took working eight years in the hospital to learn how not to take on the pain and emotions of others. I think health care workers want to relieve the suffering of their patients so much that they are willing to take on some of their pain, physically and emotionally. I will tell to you what my teacher at that time said to me. “How selfish of you to take someone else’s pain. That pain is there for them to learn from. It is not yours, stop doing their work for them. You have your own work to do.” This took some time to sink in for me to even understand it. The part that took the longest to wrap my head around is the part where we actually create all of our own physical pain, dis-eases, emotional traumas in our response to every moment. Also, we are constantly bringing past hurts into the present time, instead of letting them go. Constantly replaying old wounds.

I can tell you all the ways to clear yourself only to a certain degree. Your attitude and your willingness to change is what will transmute energies faster than smudging yourself with white sage. The 21 day training I just did was all about clearing my field so that I can know what I feel like, to know my energy. Sure it always fluctuates, yet I know it so well now, I immediately feel when I am transmuting others energies. That was why we bathed twice a day and sat in front of the fire twice a week.

There are many ways to clear your energy fields and you may like some over others. The first thing I learned a few years ago was to imagine a gold sphere of protection around myself, on the outside of the sphere were thousands of tiny mirrors. That way anyone I came into contact with would see themselves first. I didn’t believe it at first, yet I kept doing it everyday, then people started shifting right in front of me.

I personally love to take salt baths and sit with the fire. I smudge with white sage sometimes. I like to sing. I will dance around. I read beautiful stories. I watch funny baby videos on YouTube. I cry. I cut chords. I do Reiki on myself. I do pranic healing on myself. I get a massage. I eat well. I exercise. I make love to my husband. I breathe. I laugh and smile. I practice gratitude.I also get angry, and if I can stay conscious enough the whole time instead of going into victim or blame mode, I can shift  in that space too. I take a walk. Actually, get the hell outside and play, put your toes in the dewy morning grass, go hiking. Thank the planet for housing your ass.

How much are you willing to change out of your old ways to make way for a new you to emerge? How are the qualities of your thoughts, towards yourself or towards others? When you look in the mirror what are your thoughts about yourself? Do you look at yourself and think about how much you hate your body, and how you wish you were thinner and had more energy? How is that working for you? You could always see what a little loving kindness does. Get naked, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, (your full name) you are so perfect right now, and I am going to take care of you today.” Try it out for seven days or so, see how you feel, if you hate it, go back to your old energy and put it back on, continue to judge yourself and be miserable. Read this paragraph again.

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I can never find a good woman/man” “I am useless/hopeless.” “No one ever helps me out.” “This world is full of evil people” “You can’t trust anyone.” “My husband/wife never helps out around the house.” “I don’t look good in anything.” Women that wear revealing clothes are whores.” My husband calls these “spells” Look at the spells you are creating. Breathe with that.

You see, energy is always changing. Every moment is a new now. Now is new. So is this one. Also here. Each moment is either full of love and living or it’s full of fear and death. My husband sometimes asks me, “What are you putting out in the world, Shelly? Are you living or are you dying?” It also took me awhile to realize that I can’t take anything personally. Like ever. Anything that anyone can’t stand about another, judges about another, hates about another is really all the things they can’t stand, judge, or hate about themselves. It’s like we are a walking golden mirrors and assisting others to heal all of their own shit through our interactions.

We attract what we put out. I think it’s a Universal Law. Google Universal Laws, find your own truth. In all honesty, when someone we have an experience with causes our egos to flare or our rage to come to the surface we should be thanking those people. They have given us a great insight into our self. What was it they said? How did they look? What triggered us into reaction? You are responsible for your own shit. All of your energies, thoughts, and actions are all yours. I am not responsible for it and neither is anyone else. Whatever is going on in your internal reality is how you will see the external. If you are a tyrant that bullies people on the outside you probably are full of fear and want to be liked by everyone. It usually requires a place of great suffering to want to change. One has to get to that place of being so fed up that we are forced to change. Well now you know you have a choice before any more suffering has to happen. What you are thinking, saying, and doing to yourself and others is enough suffering for the rest of your life. Choose to change. Now. In. This. Moment.

or don’t.

you are perfect, complete, and whole exactly as you are now, and don’t ever have to change if you don’t want to.

I Love You.

Breath of Vulnerability.

I went back to work at my part time job at the hospital a couple days ago. I kept thinking how much I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to deal with the questions and looks from others. I didn’t know how I would do with so many people’s energy bodies. I didn’t want to have to explain why I shaved my head. I didn’t want to feel any judgements. I wanted to stay centered and humble in my own energy body.

I am glad I was able to get over my own bullshit and just be present to the day. I decided that this was going to be an amazing day of being able to observe spiritual psychology in action. There were some people that were challenged enough in their own beliefs, unable to make eye contact, they didn’t yet know how to respond with me, and they kept their distance. Most others were very curious. I think for every different person that asked about my hair, I responded with a different reason for doing it. It was so interesting actually watching the archetypes and belief systems play out with each person. I only noticed my body burning with vulnerability a few times. My favorite response was, “I like it.” I was intrigued that me shaving my head had others thinking, “is this some how affecting me? Should I be upset by this?” I didn’t feel the desire to go into the Parental Approval stuff they are carrying around.

A little more than half way into the shift I began to feel heavy and full. I went home for lunch to get outside and wanted to feel my own energies. By the 9th hour I was numb and could barely feel my own energy. For a moment it seemed I was unable to form coherent sentences. I lost my balance a few times. I told myself to smile, and my immediate thought was, “what for?”

I was unsure how did I do this for 10 years. Oh yeah, I drank heavily and did drugs. Kept the numb going. Makes sense.

What happened?

Well… I absorbed a lot of of Emotional Energy Pollution. EEP.  Its like we all walk around bumping shoulders. Your energy body bumps into mine, and mine bumps into yours. We then share information. We are able to feel others anger, depression, sadness, stress, and tension, as well as their joy, happiness, playfullness, and love.

We all do this. We all walk in each others energy fields and auras everyday. We are these magnificent electrical, light beings that love to share our “stuff” with each other. Aren’t we so nice? All the empathics of the world unite! By the way, that would be everyone. Don’t take my word for any of this. Test it out yourself. What do you notice when an angry person walks into the room? How do you feel after an interaction with them? How do other people around you seem to respond after their interaction with the angry person? When you see a smiling child so full of joy, do you smile and feel elation? Do you even feel your own energy or are you numb?

My son hasn’t voluntarily spoke to me since I shaved my head. This challenges his beliefs to the very core of him, and I am okay with it. My son seems to have picked up some old school beliefs. I have watched him judge people and dismiss them as being wrong because he didn’t hold the same belief or value as them. I am one of those “wrong” people in his eyes right now. He says I am embarrassing to him, and he doesn’t want his friends to see me. I understand completely. His friends are everything to him right now. At 16 years old, I thought my parents were the stupidest people alive. I remember hating them.  I know that this is about my son opening up his mind and heart to the differences of other people, the variety of personalities, and the multitudes of cultures, and beliefs.

Still doesn’t take the sting away. That raw feeling of sitting inside the harshest judgement hurts, even though it has nothing to do with me, and I know he is just figuring his own shit out. I remember people I had judged as worthless and stupid. The best thing about this is I say, “I Love You!” As he leaves for school, and he always replies with “I Love You, too.” That makes my heart smile. I am happy to allow this space for him with love because it desires to be expressed. I am of the belief that by holding this space for him it may be clearing my inner 16 year that didn’t have the ability to express her angst, and instead wanted to leave the planet. The song Keep Breathing just came on Spotidy. Nice life affirmating synchronicities.

Vulberability is almost the same feeling as embarrassment. Except the difference, to me, is where the blazing heat of embarrassment consumes you, the icey chill of vulnerability shocks you into numbness.

Growing up, crying and displays of emotion were not allowed, so I always thought being vulnerable was being weak. I am learning just how incorrect that is. I almost think it’s a strength. There are times when I was faced with my own thoughts and beliefs that were limiting my spiritual advancement. It wasn’t until I was able to sit with them, hold them, and feel them that I could look at them full on and realize that I wasn’t being harmed. The realization of why we avoid being vulnerable is because it opens up the possibility of rejection to come through. And rejection just doesn’t feel good.

Allowing myself to be exposed has helped me realize just how much that I allowed other people’s opinions of me to have to much real estate in my cells. It has helped me take more risks that have led to more self discovery. I have experienced the most intense vulnerability when a fear is being brought up to be healed for myself or others. I am learning to sit and be present with those fears that come up. One has to sit with it in order to clear it. I am committed to myself and I want to be someone that I like everyday.

I know that this space of vulnerability is the place where we can be the most hurt, yet it also the place where the most growth can happen too. Would you want to miss out of on a level up because you were to afraid to step forward?

“The ability to be vulnerable is the ability to be wounded.” Guru Pitka

Have Courage my friends, you are so resilient and strong.

I love you.